Mercies Anew
by love-still-remains
Summary: ALL HUMAN. Set in the late 1800s, socialite, Isabella Swan, has to travel West, due to an unplanned pregnancy. Her family is ashamed, and she soon enters into an arranged marriage with a young rancher, Jasper. Bella has emotional scars to deal with,and Jasper has scars of his own. They will rely on God, and each other, to see them through. Bella/Jasper
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Twilight, or any of the original characters associated with Twilight.**

"Isabella, wait!" cried Edward Masen, running after the dark-haired girl who was hurrying down the cobblestone garden path in front of him. "Isabella, _please!" _Finally he caught up as she paused next to a tree. Her dark-brown eyes looked scared, and as he watched, she visibly shivered, despite the warm March evening. Edward quickly closed the distance between them, and put his hand on her shoulder, wincing when she flinched , "Are you sick?" She looked at the ground, straightened her shawl, and then finally met his eyes. Her voice came out in nearly a whisper, "No, Edward, I'm not sick." He carefully led her over to a stone bench and took a seat, "Well, what is it then?" She sighed, and studied her clasped hands as she thought of how to tell Edward the truth. He was her closest friend, male, or female, and had been courting her for nearly a year. She hesitated, knowing that this news would shake both of their worlds. "We...I...well, I'm..." she paused, pressing her hand to her mouth. There was no right way to say this. She started again, and her words came out in a rush, "Edward, I'm having a baby."

For a moment he sat in shocked silence, then slowly brought his eyes up to Isabella's face. Surely she hadn't really said those five words. He must have misunderstood her, and soon they would laugh about it, and this would be over. But as he focused on her expressive eyes, he knew that she had stated the truth. There had been no misunderstanding. Then she spoke, a bit timidly, "Edward…did you hear me?" He nodded, clearing his throat, "Y-yes…I heard." She nodded, looking away as he silently studied the ground. Finally he spoke, "Are you absolutely sure?" "Yes." "How do you know?" She hesitated, then spoke, "The doctor at Beachtown. He-he confirmed it." Edward quickly looked up, "You went to Beachtown?" Beachtown was what everyone called the poorest part of town, down by the docks. It was dirty, and rough, filled with all kinds of criminals… "Yes." "Alone?" She looked down, then back at his face, "I-I had to Edward. No-one knows me there…And I had to know." He swallowed hard, "Of course." The very thought of Bella anywhere near Beachtown, alone, turned his stomach. The thought of her walking down those dirty streets, among criminals, going to the doctor…the examining room…alone… He looked up as she spoke, "The doctor said-said to expect the baby sometime in September…" Andrew nodded, "Alright…how did I let this happen?" A tear trickled down her cheek as she shook her head, "I don't know…" "I'm sorry, Bella…I didn't mean for this to happen…" Isabella shook her head, not wanting to hear his apology. It was just another reminder of what had happened, "Edward, it doesn't matter…Our _parents…_You're going to be a _doctor_…This will ruin your name…" she began to cry.

He felt tears begin to prick his own eyes, and quietly put his arms around her, "Come here." She stiffened at his touch, but then relaxed. He looked down at the thin girl beside him. Her dark head rested just below his shoulder. Her shoulders shook with sobs, but he didn't know how to comfort her. The thought tore him apart. He felt tears rolling down his own face, and swiped at them with his sleeve. He loved this girl. He _loved_ her. How could he have failed so miserably? He had known that she was special the moment they met. She had just turned 14, and he had been 15. He had loved the way her eyes lit up when she laughed, the way she lightly skipped when she walked…Everything she had said or done, he had admired. The next year, he had asked her parent's permission to come courting, and it had been granted. They had gotten along, laughing and talking together. They had understood each other on a level that no-one else had ever been able to reach…and then that one night…he had ruined everything that night. Edward shook his head, not wanting to think about it…And now, now Isabella clung to him, shaking as she cried. Her face was down, and her eyes were still full of unshed tears. Edward was disgusted with himself. For years he had been trying to prove that he was a man, but now he had no idea how to help Isabella. He couldn't think of any words that would amount to anything; she was hurting, and he had to take most, if not all, of the blame, and yet, he couldn't make this any easier for her. He noticed her shoulders gradually stop shaking, and waited a moment before gently pushing her back to look at her face, "Bella? Are you alright?" She wiped her eyes, and slightly nodded, "I will be."

He sighed, "I know it wouldn't be easy, but maybe…maybe we can announce our engagement. If you marry me, no-one ever has to know that this child was-was born out of wed-lock. Will you marry me, Bella?" Isabella felt a chill roll down her spine at the thought of spending the rest of her life with him. Before, she would have jumped at his proposal. At any proposal, even a half-hearted one like this, but now...she studied his face, "Edward, you know that our parents would never agree to us getting married right now. They'll say that we're too young." He nodded, "That's true…But we have to try."


	2. Chapter 2

"_No! My answer is final!" _"But father", began Edward, "If you would just listen-"The older man broke in, "Edward, I advise you not to make me repeat myself." His mother spoke up, "Listen to your father, Eddie. Marriage at your age would not be wise." Edward glanced over to where Isabella stood, and saw that her parents shared the opinion of his own. "Anyway", his father continued, "There's no reason to rush into marriage with Isabella. Why not wait a year or two?" Edward looked down at the hardwood floor. A year or two would be too late. Then Bella spoke up, looking at her parents. She knew that the final decision would be against the marriage, so she might as well try to act convincing, for Edward's sake, at least, "_Please_, reconsider. We _aren't_ too young-" Her father cut her off, ".It's not in your favor to argue when we've made our decision; you're only 16-years old. Surely you can wait until you're a little older." "Father, what difference will it _make_? _It will still be Edward, and it will still be me!_" "Don't talk back," her father said sharply, giving her a hard look. She turned desperately to Edward, and he didn't think before he spoke, "We _have_ to get married!"

Suddenly the room was completely silent as both sets of parents turned to look at him. Bella's father spoke first, "Exactly what does that mean?" "W-well…" Edward stammered, "Just that…that we…that I…" he trailed off, not sure what to say. His mother was the next to speak, "Eddie…surely you don't mean that you _must_ marry…Do you?" He slightly nodded, and Bella crossed the floor to stand next to him. "Isabella", her mother nearly whispered, "What have you done?" When neither of them spoke, she quickly left the room. Edward's mother studied Bella for a moment, and then looked at him, "Are you sure?" He closed his eyes briefly, and then nodded. "Dear God…" she sighed, shaking her head. Bella saw the tears in the older woman's eyes and started to reach out her hand in sympathy when the woman suddenly turned and hurried out the front door.

When her father stepped forward, she nervously moved closer to Edward. "There will be no marriage. Get out of my home, and away from my daughter", he told Edward, in a voice so cold and calm that it sent a shiver across Bella's skin. When Edward didn't move, he grabbed Bella's arm to pull her away, "I said leave; now get out, and don't put your filthy feet on my property again." Edward's father yanked him roughly towards the door, but he protested, "Sir, _please,_ let me help…" "You have done quite enough." Bella tried to twist free of her father's grasp, but he held her firmly, "_Don't make him go!"_ Edward clung to the doorframe, desperate to stay, but his father pried his hands loose, and her father firmly shut the front door. When he turned to face her, she shrank back, afraid that he would strike her. He never had before, but she knew if he did it now, she deserved it. Instead, he only looked at her, and the pain and disappointment in his eyes hurt more than any physical blow ever could have. When he walked away, she sank down in the nearest chair, crying alone in the cold, dark parlor, for the life that she had previously known.


	3. Chapter 3

Bella sighed, looking out the train window. Her 14-year old sister, Rosalie, had been complaining all day, and for the last half-hour had been glaring at Bella from across the seat. Her father had barely spoken to her in the last week, and her mother had been ignoring her as well. 8-year old Alice was the only one treating her normally. Bella looked up as Rosalie cleared her throat, and frowned slightly when the girl mouthed, 'They should have disowned you.' She was about to turn away when her sister mouthed something else. "Mother!" Bella exclaimed, "Rose called me a-!" But her mother cut her off, "Whatever Rosalie may have called you, I'm quite certain that you deserved it." So that was how it would be. Bella sank back against the seat as Rosalie smirked at her.

Of course she was glad that her parents hadn't disowned her. Instead, they had decided to take an extended "holiday" out west, surrounded by wilderness, and strangers. After the baby was born, they would return to the city. Bella knew that her parents were only doing it to protect their family name, and not for her sake, but still, she was grateful. She had heard whispered stories at her mother's teas and parties about "fallen girls" whose parents had thrown them out on the streets. So, of course she knew what could have happened, but surely, even if they were angry, her family didn't have to treat her like dirt. A small tap on the arm broke into her thoughts.

Alice was watching her, as if expecting an answer. Bella slightly smiled, "I'm sorry Allie, did you say something?" The younger girl nodded, "I asked if you were hungry…Because I am." Bella nodded, "I suppose I am a little hungry…" she looked back towards the window, and without thinking, put one hand against her still flat stomach. Then she felt another tap on her arm. Alice grinned, "I guess that baby's hungry, too." "I suppose she is," Bella said softly, surprised that her sister really understood about the baby. When she was that age, people had always been careful not to mention those sorts of things around her. Not that anybody had ever mentioned them much at all. "Is it a girl?" "I'm not sure," Bella shook her head, "A girl would be nice." Alice nodded, "I always wanted a baby sister." "You did?" "Yes, I think it would be fun." "Well, now you get to be an Aunt." _"Really?"_ Alice exclaimed, then her eyes grew wide, and she clapped her hands over her mouth. "What is it Allie?" The little girl leaned closer, and whispered, "I forgot, Mother told me that I wasn't to mention your baby." Bella sighed, "It's fine, you didn't mean to." Alice nodded, "I'm sorry, Bella." Bella saw tears filling her sisters' eyes and brushed the girls' hair back from her face, "Allie, it's alright honey; you don't need to be sorry." Suddenly their mother noticed them talking from across the aisle, and spoke sharply, "Mary Alice, come sit next to me immediately!" The small girl quickly took her place next to their mother, and folded her arms, looking at the floor. Bella sighed as their mother reprimanded Alice. The little girl was hunched over, her dark hair shielding her face, and still, their mother went on with her scolding.

The rest of the ride was silent, and they reached the town where they would be staying, just before dusk. When they stepped out onto the dusty street, Rosalie wrinkled her nose in disgust, and scowled at Bella all the more. Their father spoke to a man at the train station, and then motioned them to follow him as he quickly walked down the street to a building marked 'Telegraph'. Bella noticed a tall, muscular man with brown hair watching them from across the street, and slightly nodded when he tipped his hat at her. "Isabella!" her mother admonished, "That man is standing in front of the saloon; you aren't to associate with his type!" Bella felt her face flush, knowing the man was still watching, and spoke softly, "Mother, I was only being polite." Her mother turned to follow their father into the building, "Yes, well, as of late, it seems that you have been overly polite to certain young men." Rosalie smirked again as she turned to enter the building, "On second thought, Isabella, you should definitely get to know him. Perhaps he could give you a job as a saloon girl. I believe that you have had enough experience in that line of work."

Bella sat on a bench outside the door and sighed, brushing some stray strands of hair from her face. Why did they constantly have to remind her of what had happened? It wasn't as if she had forgotten. She was reminded of it by everything, nearly every minute of the day. She sat studying her locket. It was a small gold heart, on a delicate gold chain, and it had her initials engraved on the back. _I.M.S. _Isabella Marie Swan. Edward had given it to her for Christmas, just before everything had gone wrong…A little picture of him was inside. It was in black and white, but she could easily picture it in color. His copper-colored hair, his teasing green eyes…The light scattering of freckles across his nose. His quick smile, his laugh…She had been there when he had the picture taken. It had been cold outside, and they had walked along the river, holding hands. They had been happy that day, laughing about everything, watching the little puffs of their breath floating in the crisp winter air…But now, she had lost Edward; she had lost nearly everything that was close and familiar, including, it seemed, her family.


	4. Chapter 4

"_Isabella, hurry and come eat!"_ yelled Rosalie, walking up the stairs. "What?" Bella gasped, sitting straight up in bed. She let out a breath, realizing that she had been dreaming. The same dream that she had nearly every night…and just for a moment she was glad for her sister's interruption. Now Rosalie's voice came closer, and more impatient, "_Isabella, come eat!"_ Just as Bella stood up from the bed, Rosalie barged into the room, knocking the door against the wall. The tall girl paused with her hands on her hips, and Bella was surprised at how closely she resembled their mother when she was angry. Her thick blond hair was pulled back tightly, her blue eyes were flashing, and her already pale skin had grown lighter in her anger, "_Will you hurry? Everyone else has been awake for hours, and you haven't even dressed yet!"_

Bella crossed the room and dampened a cloth in the pitcher of water on her dresser, wiping her face. As she turned around, she saw that Rosalie still stood in the doorway. When their eyes met, Rosalie let out a disgusted sigh, and marched out of the room. Bella quickly pulled on a calico dress that her mother had brought back from the general store after informing her that she no longer deserved fine clothes after being such a 'disgrace to the family'. That actually hadn't bothered Bella at all. She had been relieved to stop wearing all of the fancy gowns, and tight corsets, and yards of lace. And anyway, the light-blue dress she now wore was much more practical to move around in. She quickly pulled her hair into a braid, and hurried down to the kitchen.

When she walked in, her mother frowned, "So nice of you to grace us with your presence." Bella ignored the sarcastic remark, and sat down to eat the runny eggs on her plate, now gone cold, though she suspected they hadn't been very hot to begin with. As she sat trying to force down some of her meal, her mother spoke again, "Hurry and finish. Your father is taking you into town today to visit the doctor." "The doctor?" "Yes, Isabella, the doctor", her mother said impatiently. "But…I feel fine." Her mother sighed, "You may or may not realize it, but people in your current…condition…require visits to the doctor to be sure that everything is progressing normally." "Oh." Bella said quietly, and after taking another bite of the eggs, went outside to where her father waited with their new horse and wagon. He helped her onto the seat, and then quietly took his place beside her. The ride to town was silent, but Bella enjoyed looking at the scenery. They had been in the new house for two-weeks, but she hadn't been allowed to go anywhere past the barnyard since the day they had moved . When they reached the doctor's building, her father helped her down, then cleared his throat, looking embarrassed, "I have some errands to do…I should be back by the time you finish your, ah, business, but if not, just wait." Bella nodded, "Alright, thank-you." He nodded curtly and walked off down the street.

Bella walked up to the door and knocked softly. Someone inside said, 'Come in", and she nervously entered the building. A woman sitting at a desk looked up and smiled warmly, as did the man standing next to her, "Hello." "H-Hello, I'm Isabella Swan…I think I have an appointment." "Oh, yes, you do; your mother came in and made one for you yesterday." The woman stood and lightly took Bella's hand, "I'm Esme Cullen, and this is my husband, Carlisle. We're the town doctors, and we're very pleased to meet you." "You too…" Bella said softly, studying the couple in front of her. They didn't look anything like she had imagined. To begin with, she had never seen doctors this young, or one who was a woman. These doctors were both. The man had blond hair, even lighter than Rosalie's, and friendly light-blue eyes. The woman also had light-blue eyes, and her chestnut-colored hair was pinned back, with soft curls falling around her face. Her smile made Bella feel a little more at ease, and her expression was caring. Bella sat when the woman gestured to a chair in front of the desk. "I will be the one you visit with today; Carlisle has to make a few house calls today, and was just leaving." Bella nodded as he excused himself, and then turned back to the doctor sitting in front of her.

The woman picked up a file and began looking over it quickly, "How are you feeling today, Isabella?" "I feel…alright. And you can call me Bella." Esme smiled, "Alright then, Bella. Now, if you don't mind, I would like to hear more about you. Your mother only gave me a very brief description." Bella nodded, and the doctor continued, "How old are you, dear?" "Sixteen…I'll be seventeen next month." "And your mother said that you are expecting…is that correct?" "Yes…" Bella whispered, looking down at her lap. "Bella", Dr. Cullen said, "Please look at me." Bella slowly looked up and focused on the woman's face. "Now, I don't want you to ever feel embarrassed around me. Believe me, I know how cruel people can be, but I've never cared much for their opinions. I'm not here to judge you; I only want to help you, and to be your friend, if you'll accept that. Nothing you tell me in here will leave this room. It's just between us. Is that alright with you?" Bella nodded; the doctor seemed to be telling the truth, "Alright." Dr. Cullen smiled, "Good. Now I do need to ask you some more questions…some of them might be difficult for you to answer, and if you really feel like you can't, you don't have to, but I would like you to try. The more information you can give me, the better I can help you, okay?" Bella nodded. "Alright then, do you know who your child's father is?" "Yes." "Were the two of you close?" "He courted me for nearly a year." The doctor nodded, "And there is no doubt that he is the father?" Bella felt her face heat up, "I...I..._no!_ It was only him…only once." She gripped the arms of the chair, trying to push back the memories of that night. A concerned look briefly crossed Esme's face, "You don't have to answer my next question, but as your doctor, I need to ask." "Alright." "Was it consensual?" Bella swallowed hard, feeling trapped. She didn't know what to say. She didn't have an answer for that. Time ticked by as the doctor watched her, and she knew that she had hesitated too long when Dr. Cullen slightly nodded, and made a note on the chart in front of her. Then she looked up, "You don't have to tell me unless you want to." Bella nodded, feeling sick to her stomach. "One more question…Do you know when your baby is due?" "The doctor I went to before said sometime in September." "And do you want to go with that answer?" Bella shrugged, "That's fine."Alright, I'd like to conduct a brief examination, just to be sure that you're healthy, and then we should be about done."

Soon they sat back at the desk. Dr. Cullen looked up after writing some more notes, "You seem perfectly healthy for your age. I do expect your pregnancy to go smoothly…are there any questions that you have before you leave?" "Just…when will people, you know, be able to tell?" "Well, every woman is different, but in general, you should start to show very soon, if not already." Bella nodded, looking towards the window, "I should go; my father's waiting outside." Dr. Cullen smiled softly, touching her shoulder, "It was nice to meet you. Please come back if you need to talk about anything." "I will, thank-you." Bella paused with her hand on the doorknob, "I-I appreciate it." "It isn't a problem…Good-bye, dear." "Good-bye."


	5. Chapter 5

Bella sighed, turning sideways in her mirror. It had been a little over a week since she had visited the doctor, and now, wearing only her petticoats, she could unmistakably tell that her stomach was rounding out. "Well, it's real now…" she whispered, feeling tears in her eyes. She silently put on her dress, frowning as the middle pulled tighter when she went to button it, "How did I let this happen?", she asked, out loud, voicing the question that was constantly in her thoughts. She picked up her Bible from where it was sitting on the nightstand, and began flipping through it. She skimmed page after page, and grew frustrated by her inability to concentrate on any single sentence. She sighed and sat it down on the end of her bed, tiredly rubbing her eyes. A moment later she was startled by a knock on her bedroom door. "Come in." she called, smiling slightly when she saw that it was Alice. Her younger sister smiled back, walking over to her, "I got this from the postman when I went to the store with mother." "What is it?" Bella asked, taking the envelope in her hands. "It's from Edward…I didn't think mother would let you have it, so I didn't show it to her." Bella nodded, seeing Edward's familiar script on the paper, "Thank-you, Allie." Alice nodded, "I'll let you read it now." When her sister left, Bella quickly tore open the envelope, and unfolded the paper inside…

"_Dear Bella,_

_How are you? I hope that you are doing well…I'm sorry that I can't be with you through this. I'm sorry that things happened this way. Before you moved, Alice gave me the name of the town where you are all staying. And Bella, I'm coming to see you, as soon as I can get away. In fact, I have a conference for school that I must attend nearby, so it is very possible that I will be able to visit you on April 3__rd__. There are things that we need to discuss, and I look forward to seeing you soon. I still love you, Bella._

_Edward A. Masen_

"The 3rd?" said Bella, "Today is the 2nd…" She thought quickly. Her parents would never approve of Edward visiting...honestly, she wasn't even sure about the idea...so, there was no way that he could come to the house. There was also no way to count on Rosalie's support. Alice would help her, no questions asked, but if their parents found out about Edward's visit, she didn't want her little sister to get in any trouble. Then she remembered Dr. Cullen. If the doctor would allow Edward to visit her at the clinic, she would have to take a chance and ask. She could send a note with Alice, into town, and ask her not to read it. Then she couldn't get in any trouble, because she wouldn't know. Bella quickly wrote a short letter, and prayed for the best.


	6. Chapter 6

"Bella, dear, you can sit down. He should be here soon." Esme said, watching as Bella paced the floor. "I know…but he hasn't seen me like this…what if he thinks that I'm ugly?" The doctor sighed, "First of all, you are beautiful, and second, you wouldn't be in this condition, if it wasn't for him." Bella nodded. She knew that the doctor wasn't thrilled with the idea of Edward coming to visit, but she had agreed to let Bella see him at the clinic, because she knew that they needed to talk. Bella felt embarrassed, knowing that the question she had avoided answering at her first appointment had lent to the doctor's dislike of him. But if asked again, she still couldn't give an answer. Finally she sat down. Dr. Cullen had left a message at the train station for Edward to come to the clinic as soon as he arrived. It seemed like hours before a knock sounded at the door, and Bella hurried to her feet. The doctor opened the door, and Edward stood there looking just as nervous as Bella felt.

Dr. Cullen looked at Edward for a moment, then turned to Bella, "Do you need to speak privately?" Bella looked at Edward and sighed, "That would be best." Dr. Cullen nodded and ushered them into a recovery room, looking at Bella once more before exiting, "I'm just outside if you need anything." For a long moment, Edward stood looking at Bella, then he spoke, "How are you?" She took a breath, and then shrugged, "I'm alright…What about you?" "Alright…" he took a step closer, "I miss you." She nodded, "I miss you, too." He looked down, and sighed, "I had so much to say…but now I don't even know where to start." "Well…what did you want to say?" He hesitated, then nodded, "I have to tell you; my father has arranged for me to marry Angela Weber." _"What?_ "Bella exclaimed, thinking about the thin, quiet girl who had gone to school with them, "Angela isn't even…she isn't even your _friend_!" "They said that we would be strong financially." "All anyone cares about is money…" Bella said bitterly. "That isn't true, but I don't actually have a say in the matter. My father has decided everything, and if I refuse, he's going to stop funding my schooling, and he said that he would disown me." "Would he really do that?" Bella asked, surprised that even Mr. Masen would take such drastic measures to make Edward marry wisely. "I think he would. He's been making threats ever since he found out about…us. He has me right where he wants me."

Bella moved to stand in front of Edward, suddenly feeling guilty, "I'm sorry about this. I could have kept it to myself. I could have figured out some way to hide it." Edward shook his head, "Don't…I wouldn't have wanted you to do that. It wouldn't have been fair. This is my child, too…and I keep thinking about…about that night…" Bella sighed, knowing what he was talking about, "What about it?" "Well…I still don't remember much, but…I remember enough…and I-I know that it was my fault…if I could do _anything_ to make it up to you, I would…" Bella felt tears forming in her eyes, and shook her head, wanting to avoid the barrage of memories she knew would come flooding back if they talked about it, "It doesn't matter now." "But, Bella, it's my fault…if I hadn't pressured you, and-" Bella cut him off, her voice sharp, "It doesn't _matter_, Edward! It doesn't make a difference whose fault it is. It happened, and that's it. Now the only thing that matters is this baby." He nodded slowly, "We can still get married. We can just leave now, and not tell anyone." Bella sighed, "Edward, you know that we can't do that." "We could try…" "No. Our parents forbade it. They would come after us, and we would have to keep running, and hiding. That wouldn't be any kind of life for us, or for our child." "We could make it work." Bella wanted to cry when she saw the hurt look on his face, but shook her head. She needed to be strong, "You have to do what's best for you. Finish Medical school, and listen to your father. If you need to marry Angela, do it." "I don't have to." "But it would be the best decision, and you don't have much of a choice."


	7. Chapter 7

"Well", Edward said, glancing at his watch, "I need to be on the next train." Bella nodded, "I know." He sighed, leaning against the back of his chair, "Have you been able to pray lately?" "I've been trying." "I haven't…I know I need to, but I just can't seem to anymore…" "Would you like to pray with me now? I can start." He nodded, and she bowed her head, "_Dear Jesus, we need your help…We can't stay together; you know that. We love this baby, but we can't find a way to be the parents our child will need. You're the only one who really knows us. You're the only one who can help..._" Edward picked up where she stopped, "_Lord, I haven't talked to you in a while, but I'm going to try again. I know that I was wrong…I need you to forgive me. Please, help Bella through this. We need help moving forward. Please, guide us to be the kind of people you want us to be. Help us to find love with someone, even if it isn't each other. Forgive me, and let our families forgive both of us, as well. In Christ's name I pray, Amen."_

They sat silently for a moment, and then stood. Edward sighed, looking at Bella, "I love you." She cleared her throat, "I love you, too," she said, wondering why it felt like she had to force the words out. She truly did love him...she just hated what had happened. She hated the situation. The Edward that she knew was a wonderful man, but now...she just didn't feel comfortable around him. The trust was gone, she realized sadly, looking at the man who she had fallen in love with. It was gone. Edward who had appeared to be deep in thought, suddenly looked uncomfortable, "Can I…I mean, if you don't mind…" he motioned towards her stomach, "Could I…" Bella slightly smiled, knowing what he was trying to ask. She took his hand, and carefully placed it flat against her slightly rounded stomach.

Suddenly a funny look crossed his face, just as she felt a small flutter under her ribs. "What was that?" "I-I think the baby just moved!" He quickly looked up, _"Really?"_ She nodded, "That's the first time I've felt it happen." A sad look crossed his face as he looked at his watch, "I have to leave. But will you promise me something?" She nodded. "Promise me that even if I don't get to see either of you again…promise me that you'll tell the baby that I love it…" "I promise", she whispered. "Always know that I love you, Bella…I'll love you, forever." He leaned down and brushed his lips briefly across hers, "Good-bye." As he walked out the door, Esme came in, and put her arm around Bella, "How are you holding up?" Bella shrugged, feeling the tears running down her face, "I don't know…how can half of me feel so glad to see him go, and the other half feel like my heart's being torn apart?"


	8. Chapter 8

"Bella?" called Alice, knocking on the bedroom door. "Yes?" asked Bella, putting her book down as Alice walked in. "Mother wants you to meet someone downstairs." "But she doesn't want anyone to see me like this." Alice shrugged her thin shoulders, "I don't know. She just told me that you need to come and meet him." "Who is he?" "I don't know, but he sure is handsome," Alice grinned, her blue eyes twinkling. Bella shook her head at the little girl, laughing in spite of herself, "Fine…tell her I'll be right down." Alice ran out the door, and Bella turned to the mirror. She didn't look much better than she felt. She had thrown up three times this morning, and her face was paler than usual. Her dress was faded, and stretched tightly across her middle. Her hair was coming out of the loose braid she'd put it in, and her eyes were red from crying half the night. "Oh, well…" she sighed, heading for the stairs.

* * *

Jasper Whitlock stood nervously in the entrance of the Swan's house. Mrs. Swan stood nearby, frowning, "Remember what I've told you. She won't be friendly, she is very stubborn, and she won't be happy about this arrangement." "Yes ma'am", he nodded. Then he was distracted by a noise from the stair-case. He saw a girl around his age slowly, carefully, making her way down. When she reached the floor, she paused and looked questioningly at her mother. As Jasper studied her he felt an unexpected twinge of sympathy. Her dark-brown eyes were red-rimmed as if she had been crying. Her face was solemn, and she was very thin, despite her large stomach. She looked tired, and sad, and her mother watched her with obvious disdain. "Jasper, this is Isabella", the older woman spoke, nudging the girl towards him. He lightly took her hand, "Jasper Whitlock; it's a pleasure to meet you, miss." She slightly nodded, "You can call me Bella."

Her mother spoke sharply, "I have made an arrangement with Jasper's father; you are to marry Jasper in October." He groaned inwardly; this woman sure didn't believe in beating around the bush. Bella stared at her mother in disbelief, "I don't want to marry anyone." Her mother spoke sharply, "_Frankly, Isabella, I don't care what you want!" _"But surely I have the right to decide whether or not I get married." "No; you forfeited that right when you became pregnant out of wed-lock. You _will_ marry Jasper, and I have already arranged it." Bella stepped back and stared at her mother, then at Jasper. He shook his head helplessly at the pain on her young face, and she turned away, hurrying towards the stairs. He winced a few minutes later when he heard a door slam.


	9. Chapter 9

Bella lay on her bed that night, still crying. Her window was open, and a lone wolf howled somewhere in the hills. She shivered slightly, in spite of the hot, mid-July breeze blowing through the room. It had been nearly 3-full months since Edward had visited, and she had received a telegram the day after her 17th birthday, stating that he had married Angela Weber. Now her mother had basically informed her that she would be marrying a man she knew next to nothing about. Allie had been right. Bella smiled ruefully, Jasper _was_ very handsome, with slightly tanned skin, sun streaked, light-brown hair, and green eyes, but that was all that she knew for a fact. And she didn't want to marry him. Him, or anyone else. She wiped her damp face, and turned slightly, trying to ease the dull ache in her lower back. She felt hopeless. It was like the weight of the entire world was resting on her, and she felt alone, and cold with fear…

_"Jesus", _she prayed, _"Please help me…I feel like I don't have anyone to turn to. I love you, and I know you're always here for me, but sometimes I just need another person to be here, who will love me, in spite of my past. I need someone who will love me, in spite of whatever rumors that they might have heard. Daddy, Jesus, you know what happened that night between Edward and I…and you're the only one. Please, I know that it was wrong, but please, don't let our child suffer because of it. Daddy, I'm scared now. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know where to turn, but I don't think that I can do this on my own. I know that you've forgiven us, but I can't seem to forgive myself. I want to be the kind of mother that my baby needs, but I have so many doubts. I'm always questioning what happened, and if I could have done something different. I don't like to remember it, and I can hardly sleep, because it haunts me in my dreams. Help me, Daddy, please, help me…"_

Later, Bella awoke, sitting up in bed, clutching her abdomen. She heard footsteps in the hall, and Alice hurried in, followed by Rosalie. "Bella, what's the matter?" her youngest sister asked, leaning over the bed. "I-I'm not sure…how did you know that something was wrong?" Rosalie stepped forward, "You screamed loud enough to wake up the whole house. I'm surprised Mother and Father aren't in here right now." Her tone was sharp, but in the moonlight, even she looked worried. Bella frowned slightly, "I screamed?" Alice nodded, "That's what woke us up." Bella started to speak, but gasped as a sharp cramp gripped her stomach. She bent forward, gripping her quilt until it passed, and sat back up, "I'm alright." she said softly, seeing Alice's frightened face. "No…" Rosalie shook her head, "You aren't. Allie, go get Mother and Father."

The younger girl ran from the room before Bella could argue, and soon returned with their parents. "What's going on in here?" their mother demanded, hands on her hips. She looked at Bella, "Alice said that you're sick." "I'm not sick." "Well, what is it then? Why would your sister wake us up for no reason?" Rosalie shook her head impatiently, "She's having the baby." "No, I'm not, it's too early," Bella shook her head, wincing at the cramps in her back, "I'm_ not_." Her mother slightly frowned, studying Bella's face, then turned to her husband, "Charles, get the wagon; we're going to the clinic."


	10. Chapter 10

Bella began to cry as her father carried her into the clinic. "Here", Carlisle spoke up, "Put her in here." He motioned to one of the empty rooms, and her father carefully sat her on the bed, moving back uncomfortably. Her mother was talking quickly, and her sisters were arguing with each other when the next wave of pain came. This time Esme was sitting beside her, her arm around Bella's shoulders. Bella cried out, squeezing her arms around her abdomen, and closing her eyes against the cramping. When she looked back up, Carlisle had managed to get everyone out into the hall, and was closing the door.

Bella wiped her eyes as he walked over to the bed and rearranged the pillow behind her back, "How are you feeling?" "Fine, except for that." Esme smoothed Bella's hair back gently, "How long has it been since the contraction before this one?" Bella shook her head, "Maybe 10-minutes ago, on the way over…this one was the worst, though." Carlisle nodded, "You have a little more time, then." "You don't mean that I'm having the baby _now_?" "I do think that the baby should be here by tomorrow night, at the latest." Bella gasped, gripping Esme's hand, suddenly feeling panicked, "_No! It's too soon! Do something, please!" _"Bella," Carlisle said softly, moving to sit next to Esme, "It isn't that early, and many babies are born far ahead of their expected due dates." Bella shook her head, "But…But, _no_…_I can't do this! _I'm _scared._" Esme wrapped her arms tightly around Bella, "You _can_ do this, and you _will_ do this. It will all be fine, and Carlisle and I are going to be here to help you, every step of the way."

* * *

"Bella?" said Esme, stepping quietly around the end of the bed, "Would you like to see your daughter?" Bella nodded tiredly, holding her arms out for the white bundle. The doctor gently set the baby in her arms and smiled when Bella slightly gasped, "She…she's beautiful!" The baby was sleeping, her tiny hands curled against her face. Long eyelashes swept her porcelain skin, and a fine layer of dark hair covered the top of her head. "What would you like to name her?" the doctor asked, turning back from putting the dirty sheets in a basket. Bella studied the baby for a moment, her daughter, and a wave of love swept over her, "Grace. I want her name to be Grace." Esme smiled again, "That's a beautiful name…and Bella?" Bella looked up, "Yes?" "You did really well, sweetheart. I'm proud of you." Just then there was a knock on the door, and her sisters walked in, followed by their mother. Alice reached the bed first, "She's so sweet!" she grinned, hugging Bella. Rosalie nodded reluctantly, "She is."

Their mother stood back from the bed, "Girls, it's best not to get too attached to the baby." Bella looked up as Rosalie and Alice turned around in surprise, "Why?" Their mother looked uncomfortable for a brief moment, "Well…she's going to be put up for adoption soon." _"Excuse me?_", Bella asked in disbelief. "I believe that you heard me." "_No!_You can't do that; she's_ mine._" "I'm your mother, and it isn't your decision." "I'm _her_ mother!" "I would hardly call you a mother." "_She's my baby!"_ "_Isabella, that's quite enough!"_ At that moment Carlisle walked back in and looked at Mrs. Swan, "It's time for you to go; Bella needs to rest." Rosalie and Alice looked upset, as their mother brushed past them into the hall, with both doctors close behind "_Girls!_", she snapped, and they hurried after her, leaving Bella and the baby alone. Bella looked down at the sleeping infant, and brushed away a tear as it dropped onto her tiny fist, "I love you, baby." she whispered, "I'll always love you, and your daddy said to tell you that he will, too. He can't be here with us, but he does love you. I know he does. And I love you, baby Grace; I love you more than I've ever loved anyone in my life."


	11. Chapter 11

"Don't take her,_ please_ don't!" Bella begged the woman standing over her bed, "_Please,_ you don't understand; _I want to keep her!"_ The stout older woman ignored her, prying baby Grace from her arms. "_No!", _Bella screamed, trying to follow, but her father held her back. "_Let go!Let go!"_, she cried, twisting, and trying to hit him, but his arms held her tightly. The baby cried as her captor hurried down the hall with her mother. Bella nearly escaped her father's grip, but just when she had almost freed herself, she heard a carriage rattling away, under the window. When her father finally released her, she ran into the lobby, and to the door, scanning the street, but there was no sign of the woman, or her baby.

"No," Bella whispered, feeling her strength disappearing as she slid down the wall to the floor. She sobbed, curled up on the cold, hard wood until she heard footsteps nearby. "Bella," she heard Esme say, "We're going to take you back to bed." She looked up through the haze of tears as strong arms picked her up, and saw her father looking down at her with a slight frown, "I'm not doing this to be cruel, Bella-girl. Your mother believes that putting the baby up for adoption is the best decision." She looked away, and he set her carefully on the bed, walking out, and leaving her alone with the doctor.

Esme helped her lay back, and pulled the quilt over her, "You need to rest." Bella shook her head, feeling numb "They took my baby." Esme nodded, "I know, dear. I was out on a call, Carlisle's still gone, and when I got back, it was too late for me to stop them." Bella turned over on her stomach, and sobbed, "How could they? _How?"_ The doctor wiped a cool cloth across Bella's damp forehead, her heart breaking at the pain on the young girl's face, "I don't know, sweetheart." "_All those months!_ All those months my baby was inside of me, and, and they _took_ her..._They took her away, just like that!,"_ Bella cried, screaming into the pillow. Esme knew that words weren't going to help at this point, and instead began rubbing small circles on the crying girls' back. After a few minutes Bella gave in to the exhaustion and fell into a fitful sleep.

* * *

When Bella woke up the next morning, her hands were ice-cold. She felt weak and shivered with chills, turning her head slightly to look towards the door. Esme was sitting nearby, in a wooden chair. When she saw that Bella was awake, she walked over to the bed, "How do you feel?" "Sick…" Bella said softly, rubbing a hand across her tired eyes, dried out from crying. The doctor nodded sympathetically, brushing her hair back from her forehead, "You have a fever; I checked earlier, while you were sleeping." "What's wrong with me?" Esme hesitated slightly, "You seem to have developed some sort of infection. This happens sometimes after giving birth, and with the stress that you've had in the last few days, I'm not really surprised." Bella nodded, closing her eyes again, suddenly tired, "I'll be okay?" "You should be fine, with plenty of rest. I'm making you some tea out of Echinacea, and that should help your body fight the infection."


	12. Chapter 12

Bella drifted in and out of sleep that day, and most of the next day, with Esme, or Carlisle, helping her sip tea, or water, whenever she opened her eyes. When she finally woke up all the way, feeling stronger, the sun had set, and the room was dark, except for a kerosene lamp on the nightstand, casting dim shadows on the walls. She slowly pushed herself up against the headboard, and then jumped slightly, realizing that someone was sitting in the shadows, next to the bed, "Hello?" She called out, barely above a whisper. "Hey," a male voice answered, and she heard the chair being scraped back as he stood. When the man stepped out of the shadows she saw that it was Jasper Whitlock. "What are you doing here?" she asked hoarsely, coughing from the scratchy feeling in her dry throat. Jasper picked up a cup from the nightstand and offered it to her, along with a small, crooked smile, "Here's some of your tea. The Cullen's had to go out on some calls, and I told them I'd stay with you until they got back."

Bella nodded, avoiding his eyes. She hardly knew this man, and under the current circumstances, he wasn't really who she wanted around, but she knew that he was trying to help. "Thanks…" she said, taking the cup from him. "No problem," he pulled the chair closer to her side, "So, how are you feeling?" She shrugged briefly, "Fine." He frowned a little, tilting his head to study her face. He knew that she was lying, and she knew that he knew that she was lying, but she didn't really care. Would he really rather hear that although her fever had broken, she felt sick to her stomach, and that her head ached from too much crying? Did he want to hear how her dreams were now filled with images of her baby being taken away, along with the nightmares that were already there? Did he really want to hear that at moments these last few days, her sadness felt so overwhelming that it was all she could do to manage a small smile, and try to convince everyone, including herself, that everything was okay, and that somehow, she would make it through this? She didn't think so. So, 'Fine', seemed like the safest answer for the time being.

When he kept watching her, she sighed, "Thank-you for the tea, but can you please let me rest now? I'd like some time alone." He continued to study her face a few seconds longer, then blinked rapidly, and shook his head, as if coming out of a daze, "Oh, right. Yeah, sure, you rest," he backed quickly towards the door, "I'll be out here if you need anything." Bella nodded, watching him leave, and then breathed a shuddering sigh of relief when the door clicked shut, swiping at the tears that were quickly escaping her eyes. How could she be expected to marry this man in less than 3-months? She had hardly made it around him 20-minutes without breaking down in tears. She already felt like a mess, and although she didn't know exactly what it was, something about his presence, and the way he had watched her, had had an added effect…She didn't want to be around him, but at the same time, there was a strange longing, deep inside, to see him again…

* * *

Now in the lobby, Jasper rested his forehead against the cool glass window for a moment, before straightening up and running his fingers through his hair. The girl in the other room was doing something to him, and he wasn't sure what he was feeling, and he wasn't sure if he liked it. It couldn't be an emotional connection, because they definitely hadn't been around each other long enough to develop anything like that. The fact was, she barely talked to him when they were…And it wasn't really anything physical, either, although the fact that he had just been staring at her like a lovesick puppy probably wouldn't help that argument from her point of view. He had never put much stock in anyone's looks; most of the better looking people he had known were also downright cruel. But he also couldn't deny that Bella was pretty; arguably much prettier than most, if not all, of the girls he had gone to school with. But that wasn't why he had been staring. It had been clear by the look on her face that she was far from 'fine', but he didn't want to push it and start questioning her just yet. The reason he had been staring was that there was something more…Something that he couldn't quite put his finger on, but that he felt more than saw…He had heard somewhere that 'the eyes are the windows to the soul', and as poetic as it sounded, he had to agree. It had been her eyes that had captured his attention the most. The pain in them was clear, and so was the sadness…But there was more there, in those brown depths than he had seen when he first met her. Although everything else about her appearance was guarded, he had seen a softness in her eyes that gave him hope for a future…He had seen a vulnerability that made a long-hidden part of him come alive, and want to protect her with a ferocity that he had never felt before…Jasper shook his head. These feelings, and thoughts, were confusing him, and he felt a little on edge. He sighed, running his hands over his face. God was going to be hearing from him even more than usual, on account of Isabella Swan…


	13. Chapter 13

**Thank you, **ellaryne **and** suziecat444 **for your lovely reviews! I appreciate your comments as the story goes along :)**

Bella's mother stayed away for nearly a week after taking the baby, and then another week while Bella recovered from the infection. When she did finally stop in, she had news that Bella had been expecting, and dreading, the entire time. "We will be returning to the city in two days." Bella shrugged, "Fine." Her mother gave her a sharp look, "Will you be ready to travel by that time?" "No. I won't. I'm not going back with you." Her mother nodded, "I had expected as much from you, and therefore, you have one other option." "And what's that?" Bella asked, almost positive that she already knew the answer. "You won't wait until October to marry Jasper; the ceremony will be performed as soon as possible." "How do you know that he'll agree?" Her mother smirked, "His father has assured me that Jasper will be ready to marry at a moment's notice, and if he's not, I'm sure that a bit more money will quickly remedy any issue he does have with the arrangement…And that, Isabella, is the only way that you will be allowed to stay in this God-forsaken part of the country." Bella stared in disbelief at the woman in front of her, a little shocked at her mother's callousness, but then shrugged, pretending indifference, "Fine. Let's get it over with."

* * *

Jasper stood nervously at the front of the church, waiting for Bella to arrive. He hadn't seen her since that day at the clinic, but his father had told him that she wanted to have the wedding ceremony performed as soon as possible. He sincerely doubted that she wanted to marry him, rather, that she wanted, as he did, to escape her family. He had decided years ago that he wasn't the marrying type, but now, if marriage could get him out from under the roof of his alcoholic, money-hungry father, he would do it, and even though he still hadn't sorted out all of his feelings, Bella didn't seem like the worst candidate he could have for a wife. Jasper looked up when he heard a small commotion at the back door, and saw Bella walking inside. She met his eyes briefly, and then looked away. This was the first time he had seen her standing up since the baby had been born, and he was surprised at how thin she really was. She was wearing a dark grey dress, and her hair was piled up on her head, tied with a matching ribbon. She had regained her color, and looked healthy, but the expression in her eyes still tore at his heart.

When she reached his side, the town Reverend began the ceremony. What seemed like only minutes later, they had repeated their vows and the Reverend spoke the binding words, "Jasper and Isabella, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Jasper, you may kiss your bride." Jasper paused; he hadn't prepared for this. Bella wouldn't meet his eyes, and after a moment he gently took her hand and pressed a light kiss to it, not sure what else to do. He breathed a sigh of relief when she didn't look upset, and when the Reverend nodded at him, he carefully took her arm in his and started down the aisle, towards their future…No matter how rocky it might be…


	14. Chapter 14

After they had said goodbye to Bella's family, and his father, Jasper drove them out to the homestead he had been working on for years. The wagon ride was silent, each of them lost in their own thoughts, and when they arrived and he moved to help her down, she waved him off, "I have it." He winced slightly as she stumbled from the seat, but she quickly steadied herself and glanced around at the barn, the cabin, and the scattering of chickens pecking at the ground out front, "It's nice." "Really?" Jasper wrinkled his brow, surprised, "I mean, I know it's not as nice as what you're used to in the city-" "I didn't _want_ the city." "Well, that's a good thing, because you sure don't have it now." Bella nodded, "Right." He ran his fingers through his hair, "I'll bring in your things from the wagon. You can go in and look at the cabin, if you want, and then, I guess we can talk about this marriage thing…" She nodded slightly, turning towards the house, "Fine."

When Jasper walked inside, Bella was standing next to the table. She had already looked around, and honestly, there wasn't much to see. The stove sat in one corner, next to a shelf. A rocking-chair was in front of the fireplace, and a threadbare rug lay in front of the door. The nicest thing that Bella saw was a small framed portrait of a young woman that was sitting on the mantle. "Hey", said Jasper, sitting down across from where she stood, "You still think it's nice?" She thought she saw a flicker of humor cross his face, but wasn't sure, "It isn't where I lived before, and that makes it nice." He nodded uncomfortably, "So, about the marriage…ah…" She tilted her head, stopping him, "It's to be in name only. I know that you didn't exactly want to marry me, my mother paid off your father, and you know that I didn't want to get married…So, there's no need to pretend that we did." "Jasper nodded slightly, "Yeah, well, are you hungry, or anything?" "No, thank-you. I ate before the wedding." Jasper swallowed hard, "Right. Well, then, we need to figure out where we're sleeping; it's getting late." He saw a strange expression cross her face, and realized that she hadn't thought this far ahead, "There's only one bed, in the other room. You can sleep in there, and I'll sleep out in the barn." _"No!"_ Bella startled herself, and Jasper, with her outburst. She couldn't stay in the cabin alone, in the dark, with all the new, strange night noises around her. He raised his eyebrows, and she hurried to clarify, "No. I mean, it's your cabin. There's no reason for you to sleep outside on my account." He tiredly rubbed his hand across his face, "What do you suggest, then?" She looked around quickly, "Couldn't you sleep in here somewhere? By the fireplace, maybe?" He slowly nodded, "Sure…" "Fine. Thank-you."


	15. Chapter 15

Bella sat on the edge of the bed and looked around her small room. She hadn't slept well, waking up several times from the dreams and memories that haunted her every night. The sight of the empty cradle sitting in the corner didn't help how she felt. Jasper had explained that it had been his, but right now it only served as a reminder of what she had lost. She sighed tiredly, tying a white apron over her brown dress, then walked out into the main room and over to the stove. She and Jasper had been married for about a month and had worked out a daily routine of sorts. It was the only time of day that they had much contact with each other, but they had worked it out pretty smoothly. She would make breakfast and give Jasper his coffee, and then he would sit down and eat. They would say a few words, and then part as soon as he finished eating, going about their days separately. She saw Jasper walking up towards the cabin just as she set his plate on the table. "Hey", he nodded, coming inside and sitting down, "Thanks." He smiled, then frowned slightly, looking closer at her face, "What happened?" "What do you mean?" "You've been crying." She shook her head, turning towards the window, "I'm fine." "If you're fine, why are you crying?" "I'm not crying." "But you were…" Bella shrugged and he stood up, walking towards her, "You sure you're alright?" She hugged her arms closer around herself, "Yes, I said I'm fine." He put one arm around her, but she stiffened, "Don't." "I was just gonna hug you." "I-I don't need a hug." "I thought everyone needed to be hugged." Bella shook his arm off, "_Just don't-don't touch me!"_ Jasper raised his hands in mock defense and backed away, "Okay, okay…I apologize for being nice." She shook her head, "Sorry, it's fine…I just…I'm going for a walk." She grabbed her shawl, and was out the door before he could stop her."

When Bella got to the edge of the yard she began to run. She hadn't run in a long time, and it felt wonderful. She just needed to clear her head, and sort things out. She felt her hair come loose and tumble down her back, and still she ran. She ran until she reached the forest, and then slowed to a walk. The sunlight filtering through the trees made her feel more calm, and soon she was lost in thought, and not paying much attention to where she was going. The sound of metal clanging together snapped her out of her thoughts, and she gasped, falling back against a tree as she heard the clanging again, and saw the metal jaws of a trap spring shut. "You alright?" she heard a voice call out from somewhere in the brush. Bella pressed her back closer to the tree as she heard sticks breaking, and then saw a man walking towards her. "Who are you?" she called out, hoping to sound less frightened than she was. As he walked closer she recognized him as the man who had smiled at her from in front of the saloon on her first day in town, "I'm Emmett McCarty…Sorry if my traps scared you." She nodded briefly, studying him. He looked younger up close, and wore a buckskin jacket. He was taller and more muscular than any man she ever had seen, his short hair was light-brown, and his eyes were blue-grey. "So", he smiled, Do you have a name?" "Bella Swa-…I mean, Bella Whitlock." "Whitlock?" he looked thoughtful for a moment, then snapped his fingers, "You're the one who married Jasper!" She nodded, "How'd you know that?" "It's a small town; almost everyone knows everything about everyone." "Oh." "So, you know who I am?" Bella shrugged, "Not really…My mother thought you worked at the saloon, but…" He grinned, "I _own_ the saloon." Bella took a step back, "Oh…" "Don't worry, I'm not dangerous," Emmett laughed, leaning back against a tree, "And I'm not a horrible person." "I didn't say that you were." "I know, but I also know how most people feel about men like me. They never try to find out the truth." "The truth?" He nodded, "I have a story, like most people, but whenever someone hears the word 'saloon', they usually back off." Bella leaned forward slightly, interested, "What kind of story?" "A story that probably describes a lot of people, but one that not many would admit to." "Really?" He nodded. "I'd like to hear it." He looked at her, surprised, "I don't think so." "Why not?" "The only people able to understand it would be the ones who've been through something similar. Otherwise," he added bitterly, "It might mar their pretty little image of the world." "I don't have a pretty image of the world anymore…" she said, looking away, "I don't have a pretty image of anything, really." Emmett studied her, suddenly aware of the pain in her voice, "I have a feeling you might understand, after all, but I don't know why. Nothing I've heard about you in town makes it seem like you've been hurt in any way." "What _have _you heard?" "Just that you moved here from the city, and that you have a rich family. You met Jasper and decided to marry him and stay here." Bella gave a short, hollow laugh, "Is that all?" Emmett nodded, "Is there more?" Bella shrugged, "They left out a lot." "Such as?" She shook her head, feeling the emotions building up inside. She had kept them pushed down, and hidden, but now they were at the surface, and knew she couldn't keep them back this time, "_Such as the part where I thought I was in love and became pregnant!Where I was forced to come here, and then have my baby taken away from me, by the people who were supposed to protect me!Where I had to marry a man I hardly knew to escape returning to the city," _Bella burst out, _"Such as that!"_ Emmett looked at her solemnly, his mouth slightly open, and Bella put her hands over her face as she broke down crying. She fell to her knees, sobbing, and after a moment felt Emmett sit next to her and wrap his arms around her, pulling her close. She hardly knew this man, but she didn't care. She needed someone to comfort her; she needed to feel taken care of. She pressed her face against his chest, crying until it felt like there were no more tears.

"Thank-you," Bella whispered as Emmett handed her his handkerchief. "Not a problem." "I'm sorry for…for all of that", she said, looking at Emmett, who was still crouched beside her, "I never act that way, especially in front of a stranger." "Don't worry about it", he said, helping her to her feet as he stood, "Sometimes we just have to let it out. Besides, I would hardly call myself a stranger; I used to be your husband's best friend." "Jasper's?" Emmett laughed, "Isn't he your husband?" "Yes, I just didn't realize…" "Yep. We were friends from when he started school, to the time I was 19." "Then what happened?" He shook his head, "I got into some trouble, and at the time I was just a really mixed up kid. Jasper was 15, and had problems of his own. We just drifted apart and stopped talking." Bella sighed, "I'm sorry." "So am I." "Was Jasper nice? I mean, was he a good friend?" "He's the best friend I've ever had. He always tried not to show how hard he had it. He was a tough kid." "What do you mean, 'how hard he had it'?" Emmett looked at her carefully, "You don't know much about him, do you?" "I…well, no. We've never really talked about anything." "Seems like you should. The longer you wait, the more you're missing out on a great guy, and the longer he misses out on a pretty amazing woman." Bella slightly shook her head, "I don't know…" "But I do. Both of you have been through a lot. I think you could help each other heal."

* * *

Jasper paced back across the house and looked out the door, again. It was almost dark and Bella was still gone. Finally he pulled his coat off the rack and started putting it on. Just as he stepped outside, he saw two people coming up the road. Jasper stood back until he could see them clearly. Bella was in front, but it was the person behind her that caught him off guard.

* * *

"How are you?" Emmett asked, holding his hand out. "Fine", Jasper took his hand briefly. "It's been a while." "Yeah", Jasper cleared his throat, "How did you two meet?" "I was checking some of my traps, and she was walking in the woods. A couple of them went off and scared her." "Then…thanks for helping her get home." Emmett smiled, "No problem." Jasper shifted his feet, uncomfortably, and Emmett spoke again, "Can we talk for a minute?" "Yeah." "Excuse me", Bella spoke up, "I'm going inside. Emmett, thank-you…for everything." As she walked away, Daniel cleared his throat, giving Emmett an accusing look, "Everything?" "She was upset; I let her cry." "Why was she upset?" "I think…well, it looked like everything she's been going through hit her at once." "How do you know so much about her?" Jasper asked, his tone sharp." Emmett took on the same tone, "I've been wondering why you know so little." Jasper hesitated before speaking, "Our marriage is in name only. We haven't talked about our pasts." Emmett nodded slowly, "It's a shame. You could help each other." "How?" "I know some of the things you've been through, and she's gone through a lot, too. Talking about it could help both of you." Jasper shook his head, "Where do you get off, coming in after eight-years and telling me how my wife and I should act?" "I don't mean any harm. I just remember how scared you were to let anyone get close to you; not that I blame you, but I think Bella's the same way you were…"

* * *

Bella stood at the window, watching Jasper and Emmett talk. They had looked friendly enough at first, but then Jasper had started to look upset. Finally they shook hands and Emmett turned to leave, as Jasper started back to the cabin. Sophia handed him a cup of coffee when he walked in, and he briefly smiled, "Thank you." She watched as he sat down at the table and ran his fingers through his hair, sighing. Bella felt uncomfortable, and strangely guilty, "Jasper, I'm sorry for leaving like that, and for being gone so long. If I worried you…" She trailed off as he met her eyes, "You did, but I understand needing to be alone. Just next time, maybe you could tell me where you're going, before you run out." Bella nodded, "Thank-you." Jasper hesitated, then spoke, "Emmett thinks we need to sit down and talk." "He told me that." "So, how would you feel about it?" "I guess it couldn't hurt." He nodded as she went to pour more coffee, then sighed as old memories started making their way to the surface, and whispered to himself, "Or it could hurt a lot."


	16. Chapter 16

Bella sat at the table, across from Jasper, "What should we talk about?" He shrugged, "Whatever you want." She shook her head, "I don't know." "Well," he sighed, "Is there anything you want to ask me?" "Um, actually, I think I should know already, but…how old are you?" Jasper's eyes widened slightly, as he realized he'd never told her his age, "I'm twenty-three…and you're seventeen, right?" She nodded, relieved that he was around the age she'd been guessing. He slightly smiled, "Anything else?" Bella glanced around the cabin and her gaze fell on the mantle. Finally, she had a chance to ask the question that had been bothering her since the day she moved in, "Who's the woman in that picture?" "She's my mother." "She's beautiful." The woman looked young, probably in her early twenties; her hair was piled up on her head with a few wisps hanging around her face, she was grinning at something to the side of the photographer, and Bella could almost picture her laughing. "She was." "Was?" Bella questioned. Jasper bowed his head for a moment, "I haven't seen her since I was 6-years old. She left then, and never came back." "I'm so sorry…I didn't know." "It's fine, I just haven't talked about her in a while." Bella looked at the picture again. Jasper had the same eyes as his mother, and from the few times she had seen him laugh, his smile matched hers as well. "You look like her." Jasper slightly frowned, "I know; too much, according to my father." "What do you mean?" "He hates her, and I always reminded him of her, somehow…He always told me that if it was just how I looked, it wouldn't be so bad, but I acted like her, too." Bella frowned, "He told you that he hated you?" Jasper gave a humorless smile, "Not in so many words."

Bella and Jasper sat watching each other for a long moment. Bella suddenly felt compassion for this man, this near stranger, sitting in front of her. She was almost scared to ask her next question, afraid, somehow, of what the answer might be, "What do you mean?" Jasper swallowed hard, looking at this girl; his wife. He hardly knew her, but he knew that the time had come to show someone. He had to show her. His voice slightly shook when he spoke, "I…I want you to see something." "What?" Instead of answering, he began to unbutton his shirt, starting at the cuffs, and then moving to the collar. Bella stared at him, "What are you doing?" "Hold on." He turned his back to her and finished the unbuttoning. As the fabric fell away, Bella gasped. His back was covered in long, narrow scars. Some were nearly faded, and others were a dark reddish-purple. _"What happened?"_ Still turned away from her, he spoke, "My father…" "He did this to you?" Jasper shrugged, "When he was mad…or drunk." Bella moved closer, "How often was that?" "There wasn't any pattern to it. Sometimes he'd go weeks, sometimes days…sometimes hours." She studied the scars, "These look like they're from a whip." "Horse-whip", Jasper confirmed softly, "But those are from the worst times. A lot of the time he just used his hands." Bella shuddered, not able to imagine the pain he had felt. Without thinking, she put her hand on his shoulder, and felt him flinch, "What is it?" "Nothing…just caught me off guard. Not used to people touching me anymore, I guess." "I'm sorry," she whispered, not knowing what else to say, but feeling a sudden need to comfort him. Slowly he brought his hand up to cover hers, "Don't worry about it. It's water under the bridge now." "Is it?" He nodded, "What's done is done." He turned slightly and they were suddenly face to face, her hand still in his.

Jasper looked at Bella, only inches away from him. Her eyes were locked on his, and he may have imagined it, but he thought some of the mistrust was gone from her face. Bella knew that she should pull away, but just for this moment, she felt comfortable. His hand on hers was warm, and she felt safe, protected...Though it was only that morning when she had screamed at him not to touch her. Suddenly the very air between them seemed different; almost like it was alive. Jasper leaned in a little closer and felt Bella's breath play across his face. She didn't seem uncomfortable. Her eyes looked almost hopeful…But then she drew back, clearing her throat, "I…I need to go…I'm, I'm going to bed." He moved back, "Right…of course. It's getting late." He reluctantly released her hand, and she stood, "Well…Goodnight." He nodded, "Goodnight." Bella turned, walking to her room. She wanted to look behind her, but knew that he was watching. She felt his eyes on her back. She quietly walked into her room, and closed the door.


	17. Chapter 17

That night, Jasper lay on his pallet near the fireplace, watching the flickering of the flames. He couldn't seem to fall asleep; he kept thinking about Bella. He hadn't wanted to marry her, at all. He had used her as an escape, much the way that she had used him. But now, something was different. He admired her, somehow. He still felt the need to protect her, the same feeling he had had on that day in the clinic, but now there was more to it. She seemed strong, even in her sadness. She was beautiful, and tonight, with her hair falling in loose waves down her back, she had reminded him of a young girl and a woman, at the same time. She deserved more credit than her family had given her. Yes, something had happened, and she did have a child, but now he had the feeling that there was a lot more to the story than she was letting on. He felt like there was more to the story than anyone, including her family, knew. She didn't seem like the kind of girl who would ever just throw herself at a man. She seemed sort of reserved, actually. Heck, he smiled ruefully, she'd even backed away from kissing him, and they were married. He sighed, turning over to face the opposite wall; tonight was going to be a long night.

* * *

Bella sat on the edge of the bed in her nightgown, looking out the window at the stars. She had fallen asleep quickly, but had only slept for a few hours before waking up, not tired at all, with thoughts of Jasper filling her mind. She wasn't sure how she felt about him. She had loved Edward, and even now, a part of her always would. She wasn't in love with him anymore, but despite what had happened between them, there had been many good times, and she would always be grateful for that. Nevertheless, after what had happened, and the baby, and Edward getting married, there was nothing logically keeping her from having feelings for Jasper…Nothing that is, but her own fear. Earlier she had been almost sure that he was going to kiss her, and she couldn't let that happen. Even though they were married, kissing could be dangerous. It could lead much farther than planned, as she well knew, and she wasn't ready to trust Jasper in that way. Not now, and maybe not ever.


	18. Chapter 18

**Hi everyone! First off, I would like to thank all of you for reading this story, and for leaving your reviews. I do understand that there was a bit of confusion with the names in a few chapters, and I would like to apologize for that, and explain what happened. You see, when I first began to write this story, I didn't know about FanFiction, and so I began it with the main characters being Sophia and Daniel, and the Esme being Dr. Parsons. When I decided to work on it as FanFiction, I already had parts of it saved on my computer with the original names, and went back to change the names, and edit parts of the story. While I did edit bits of the story line, I neglected to change the names in a few places. Thank you, so much, for letting me know. Thank you for the heads up, and again, I do apologize for any confusion this caused :)**

Bella shielded her eyes from the sun, looking up from the clothesline as a rider came into view. "Hello!" She called out, recognizing the postmaster. "Hello! he answered, "I have some letters for you." "Oh", Bella said, surprised, "Thank-you." He smiled, "I had to bring a package out this way, so I thought I'd just drop them by and save you a trip." "Thank-you" she repeated, smiling, "Have a nice day." "And you, as well." Jasper walked up from the barn just as the man rode away on his horse, "What is it?" "Oh, he was just dropping off some letters." Jasper leaned over her shoulder, "Who are they from?" Bella looked at the envelopes, "My sister, Alice, and…Edward." "Edward?" "He's…Edward's the baby's father." she said softly. "Oh…I see," Jasper said, a strange expression crossing his face, "Well, I'll go…I have to finish up in the barn." "Alright", Bella nodded, "Come in to eat soon. I have your lunch ready." He nodded and walked away.

Bella went inside and walked into her room, closing the door. She sat in the rocking chair and opened Alice's letter, smiling when she recognized the scent of the perfume she'd given the little girl on her last birthday. Then she read:

_"Dear Bella,_

_How are you? I really miss you. I know that you are married and all, but do you ever miss me? I saw Edward last week at church. He misses you, too, I think. Angela doesn't look very happy, and neither does he. He looked a lot happier when you were here. Father bought me a kitten. He is orange with stripes. I named him 'Turkey', because he likes to eat it. Rose said that's a stupid name for a cat, but I don't care. I think she's just mad because he scratched her. That is all for now. Please write back. I love you._

_Your Sister,_

_Mary Alice Swan_

Bella smiled slightly. Alice had no idea how much she missed her. She missed her little sister getting into her things, missed braiding Alice's hair because no-one else did it just right…She missed Alice running to her bed during thunderstorms and stealing all of the missed Alice just being there. Bella sighed and slowly opened Edward's letter:

_Dear Isabella,_

_How have you been doing? I hope that this letter finds you well. Was the baby healthy? Alice told me that you had a girl. I've never been so proud as I was when I found out that I have a daughter. I was furious when I heard that your mother had her taken away. I'm very sorry for all of this; more so than I can explain. I can't imagine how you must have felt. I pray that I'm able to meet our little girl one day. Bella, I'm nearly finished with medical school, and soon I'll be a licensed doctor. Alice told me that you have also married. She said that she didn't think you wanted to. I hope that she is wrong about that, and that whoever this man is, he treats you better than I did, and that you find true love. As you know, Angela and I were married. It has been seven-months now, and she is expecting our first child. I don't mean to hurt you in any way with this news. I just felt that you should know that our daughter will soon have a brother or sister. You and Angela are so different from each other; like night and day. I suppose that I do love her. I couldn't have a child with a woman I didn't love, but this love is different. I have learned to love Angela, yes. With you, I just knew. I still love you, and if there was a way for me to repair the damage that I've done, I would do it in a heartbeat. I'll love you forever. That's the only vow I've made to you that I can fully keep. Write to me sometime, if you get the chance. I love you, Isabella._

_With Love,_

_Edward A. Masen_

* * *

Jasper walked into the cabin and glanced around for Bella. He didn't see her, but the door to the bedroom was slightly open. "Bella?" he called out, walking over. "Yes?" came the reply. "Are you alright?" There was no response and he tried again, "Can I come in?" She didn't reply and he pushed open the door. She was laying on the bed, facing the wall. He hadn't been in this room since she had moved in, and he felt strange, intrusive, doing so now. "Bella?" he spoke softly, standing just inside the doorway. She sat up on the edge of the bed and turned to look at him. Her eyes were red, as if she'd been crying, but now she just looked sad. "What happened? What was in the letters?" She held one out to him and he crossed the room to get it, "See for yourself." He looked at her questioningly and she spoke again, "Go ahead and read it; that's the one from Edward." Jasper slowly sat down next to her and unfolded the letter.

When Jasper finished reading, he looked over at Bella, "Doesn't waste much time, does he?" "No." Jasper sighed, "I'm sorry, that wasn't called for." She shrugged, "It's true." "I'm sorry you had to get a letter like that." "It's just, I know that he didn't mean any harm by it, but he said that he _loves_ her, already…" Jasper nodded sympathetically, and she went on, "And the thing that I don't understand is how Angela is already expecting a baby. I mean, how soon did…" she trailed off, not wanting to finish the question, but Jasper knew what she was trying to say and shook his head. Bella continued, "We've been married three-months now, and haven't even-". This time Jasper broke in, "Bella", he said, studying her face, "I didn't expect it to happen. Our reason for getting married was completely different. From what I understand, Edward comes from the type of family who would want him to produce heirs as soon as possible. I never would have asked you to move on that quickly." "But why did _Edward_? If he _ever_ loved me, how could he have forgotten how he felt about me so soon?" Jasper cleared his throat, "Well…you don't know that he did. Sometimes men, well, we don't always make decisions based on logic, or common-sense…sometimes we just go off of what we're feeling in the moment." She shook her head, "I feel so stupid." Jasper cautiously put his arm around her, "Why?" "Because of what happened. I made a complete fool of myself, and now there's a little girl out in the world who doesn't know who her real family is; who might grow up thinking that nobody wanted her, when that's the furthest thing from the truth that there could be." A tear ran down her cheek and she wiped it away, looking at the floor. "No", Jasper said softly, "You're not stupid. I don't know what happened with you and Andrew, but I know that you're not stupid." Bella shook her head, "That doesn't make up for anything, and Edward telling me that he loves me won't make a difference, either." "No," Jasper surprised her, "It doesn't, and it won't. Remember, what's done is done, and you can't take it back. You're holding on to too much guilt, Bella..you just have to forgive yourself."

Bella sat still, studying the floor for a long time, thinking about what Jasper had said. He sat, keeping his arm around her, until she finally looked up. "Jasper…what if I don't know how?" "How to forgive yourself?" She nodded. He gently crooked a finger under her chin, and turned her until she was looking into his eyes, "If you don't know how, I'll help you." Bella looked at her lap, overwhelmed by what she saw in the depths of his eyes, "Promise?" "Promise. Even if this isn't a traditional marriage, we can still be friends, right?" She hesitated, then nodded. "Alright then, and friends help each other, so I'll help you." "What will you do?" "Honestly, I'm not sure, yet. But I was thinking, about your daughter?" She nodded. "Well, I was thinking, if we found out where she is, there isn't anything keeping a man and his wife from adopting a little girl, is there?" She gasped and stared at him, "You would do that?" "I would."


	19. Chapter 19

Bella shivered as Jasper walked inside the cabin, letting in a cold blast of air as the door swung shut behind him. He shook his head, flinging droplets of water onto the floor. "It's still storming pretty good out there." As if to confirm his statement, a flash of lightning illuminated the small house, quickly followed by a loud crack of thunder. Bella wrapped her arms around herself, looking out the window. She had never been very fond of thunderstorms, and had always hid under the covers of her bed, singing to herself until they passed, or she fell asleep.

She jumped as something touched her shoulder, then relaxed slightly when she realized that it was Jasper. He gave her a small, sympathetic smile, "Want some coffee?" "No, thanks," Bella shook her head at the offer, "You go ahead, though." She felt a little too jumpy for coffee, and instead finished putting away the dishes from supper. When the last plate was stacked on the shelf, she turned to look at Jasper, sitting and staring into the fireplace. The firelight gave his skin a warm glow, and she couldn't help but feel drawn towards him. He looked lost in thought, and was humming slightly, a lazy smile on his face. She didn't realize how close she had drifted until he spoke, "Did you need something?" "What?," Bella looked down at him, then shook her head quickly, "Oh...oh, no, just...I'm going to bed. Goodnight." He chuckled lightly as she walked away, "Goodnight."

* * *

Later that night, Jasper lay on his pallet in the main room, listening to the rain pelting against the cabin. He was glad for it, because the land had been needing a good watering, but at the same time, it had prevented him and Bella from getting to town and talking to the Cullens about finding the baby. He sighed in frustration. It had been just over a week since he had mentioned adopting Bella's baby, and although she hadn't brought up the subject since that day, he knew that it was often on her mind. He had been watching her, when she didn't know he was looking. Sometimes when she was cleaning, she would stop at his cradle that he had moved from the bedroom, and get a faraway look on her face. He knew that she was thinking about Grace, or Edward, and for a reason he couldn't explain, his stomach would clench, and he'd have to look away to keep tears from springing to his eyes. That in itself was strange, because he had never been one that was big on showing his emotions.

Suddenly Jasper sat up. He thought he heard a strange sound over the thunder and rain, like a kitten mewing, or someone crying. He pushed himself to his feet and listened intently. _Bella._ Jasper walked over to her doorway quietly. The door was creaked open slightly, and he could see the bed from where he stood. A strip of moonlight fell over the corner of the room, and he could see Bella turning in her sleep. She was whimpering, and from where Jasper stood, it looked like tears were streaking her cheeks. He stepped into the room, then hesitated. If she suddenly woke up and saw him standing there, he knew that she would be scared, and rightly so. On the other hand, it hurt him to see her like this, and he wasn't sure what to do. At that moment, her whimpers grew louder, and she actually let out a sob, _"No, no, please-"_ Her sentence was cut off by another sob, and Jasper made up his mind.

"Bella," he whispered, gently shaking her shoulder, "Bella." The whimpering stopped briefly, but started again just as soon. "Bella," he said louder, shaking her arm again. This time her eyes flew open, then widened when she saw Jasper standing over the bed. He jumped back as she flew into a sitting position, and pressed her back against the wall. "Hey," he held up his hands, "It's alright." Bella quickly wiped the tears from her face, "What are you doing?" "I heard you crying." She nodded, "Oh." "Bad dream?" "Um...yeah. The storm was bothering me, I think." He saw her flinch as another crack of thunder rang out. "I'm fine," she said, trying to give him a convincing smile, but it didn't work. He shook his head, sighing, as he walked around to the end of the bed, "Scoot over." She looked at him curiously, but did as he asked. "Jasper, what are you doing?" she asked as he crawled onto the bed. He moved forward until he was sitting between her and the wall, "Keeping you company." She hesitated, "I don't think you should." "Why not?" She looked at her lap as a list of reasons ran through her head. Honestly, she didn't mind the company. She was used to having Alice in her bed at night, and the last few months had been strange without the little girl beside her. She felt like she shouldn't be comfortable having Jasper this close, but she had been growing more used to his presence, and oddly enough, wasn't uncomfortable in the least..."It isn't proper," Bella said, finally throwing out a feeble excuse as the answer to his question. She cringed inwardly, knowing it sounded ridiculous, even as she said it. Jasper surprised her by laughing out loud, "In case you forgot," he reached over, holding up her left-hand with the thin gold band on it, "We're married, darlin' " Bella felt herself blushing, and was glad that the moonlight wasn't bright enough to show it. She shrugged, laughing a little. "And", Jasper continued, "You were crying, I want to help, and it's _freezing_ in there on the floor. Won't you at least share the quilts for the night?" "Alright," Bella said softly, her voice shaking. She was suddenly nervous about Jasper staying in the same bed, and he heard the quiver in her voice.

"Hey", Jasper reached over, brushing a strand of hair back from her face, "It'll be alright." Bella nodded slightly, "I know." "We're just sleeping. We'll just be two friends sharing a quilt, on a cold night, okay?" "Okay," she whispered. "I promise," Jasper winked, "Gentleman's honor." Bella had to smile at the look on his face, "I believe you." "Good," he laughed, stretching out on his back, "Now get some sleep."


	20. Chapter 20

When Bella awoke the next morning, she almost immediately noticed two things. The first thing was, she felt strangely rested, and the second, she was oddly comfortable. Her pillow was unusually soft, and warm, and...Her eyes widened suddenly as she realized that her head was no longer resting on her pillow. It was resting on Jasper's chest.

Bella stiffened, as she dared to let her eyes drift towards his face. She prayed that he wasn't awake yet to see this predicament. Thankfully he wasn't, and she felt her lips form into a small smile when she looked at his sleeping form. A stray lock of hair had fallen onto his forehead, his eyelids lightly fluttered, and his lips had taken on a small smile of their own. He looked perfectly content, and Bella groaned inwardly, trying to figure out any possible way to get out of this situation without waking him up.

She had one arm thrown across his waist, the other under his shoulder. Her feet were pressed against his, and to top it all off, he had one arm wrapped around her back, holding her securely in place. _'Alright', _she whispered to herself,_ 'I can do this.' _Slowly, Bella moved her feet, and began trying to slide towards the edge of the bed. His arm was presenting a problem, and as she stopped to contemplate what to do, she felt Jasper's chest shake with laughter. Her eyes shot to his face accusingly, _"You were awake?!"_ He shook his head, grinning, "Nah, I just woke up from all your moving around." Her face flushed, and she sat up quickly, shoving his arm aside. His smile faded as he studied her, "No harm done, Bella."

She shrugged, feeling uncomfortable. He must think of her terribly now. All he had done was try to sleep next to her to keep her company during a storm, and then he had to wake up with her practically lying on top of him. What kind of person must she look like in his eyes? Certainly not a proper lady. She looked away, feeling his eyes still on her. Finally he spoke again, "What are you thinking about?" She shook her head, and he sat up beside her, "You're embarrassed." Bella shrugged again, and Jasper placed a hand against her cheek, silently asking her to face him. She finally did, and for a moment, he saw such pain and shame on her face, it took all he had not to look away. He shook his head at her, "Don't be embarrassed. Nothing happened." "I'm sorry," she said in a soft voice, "I know that you were just trying to help, and I'm sorry; I didn't mean to-" Jasper cut her off, moving his hand from her cheek to her mouth, "Stop. You didn't do anything wrong. In fact," he grinned again, "You slept real well after I got in here, and it sure beat sleeping on the floor. I just might have to start doing this every night."

Bella shook her head, and Jasper felt a huge wave of relief sweep over him when a smile suddenly turned up the corners of her mouth, "Maybe." He laughed, and she swung her legs over the side of the bed, "I'm going to fix breakfast; are you hungry?" He grinned even wider, reminding her of a little boy, "Thought you'd never ask."

Bella shook her head again as she walked into the main room to get the food started. He had a way of somehow getting her to smile, even when she didn't feel like it, which sometimes had a way of annoying her. But she was glad for it. It had been too long since someone could really make her smile. As she turned over the events of the last night and morning in her mind, she realized that Jasper was right about one thing. She had slept well. In fact, as soon as he lay down next to her, she had fallen asleep, and the nightmares hadn't returned the rest of the night.


	21. Chapter 21

"Jasper, _please, _hurry!, Bella called out from the wagon, where she was sitting. Jasper laughed, walking across the yard, towards her, "I am." It was 8am, and the weather had finally cleared up enough for them to go visit the Cullens, in town. They were about to ask if the doctors knew anything about where Grace may have been taken, and Bella felt like if they didn't leave soon, she wouldn't be able to wait another minute. Finally Jasper climbed up onto his seat, and grinned, "Ready?" Bella smiled back excitedly, "_Yes!_I've _been_ ready; let's go!"

* * *

"How are you?", Esme smiled, as she pulled Bella into a warm embrace. "I'm doing better", Bella returned the woman's smile, and then hugged Carlisle who was standing nearby. Carlisle smiled as well, "You look much better than the last time that I saw you." Bella nodded, "I think that living out here agrees with me." Jasper stepped forward, hugging Esme, and shaking Carlisle's hand, grinning at Bella again, "I think it does." Esme raised her eyebrows at Bella, and Carlisle laughed, "Might it be _who_ you're living with that agrees with you?" Jasper burst out laughing as Bella blushed, quickly shaking her head, "_No,_ I-I mean, _yes_, but, but, no-" Carlisle also laughed loudly at the girl's reaction, while Esme tried to stifle her laughter, without much success. "Come, dear", Esme took Bella's arm, leading her towards the desk, "Let's talk while the men here...sort through whatever...issues...that they're having." Carlisle and Jasper, who were still laughing, laughed even harder at Esme's comment, and she shook her head, chuckling, "Just like little boys, both of them."

Bella laughed a little, in spite of herself, the embarrassment she felt quickly fading. "Now, then", Esme took a seat across the desk from Bella, "It's been a while; how long have you been married? Two-months?" Bella shook her head, "Three-months, now." "Time flies, doesn't it?" Bella nodded, and Esme leaned closer, "How's married life treating you?" Bella shrugged, "It's going pretty well; better than I expected, anyway." "Do you and Jasper get along?" "We do. We really never talked much for the first couple of months, but lately...lately things have changed, and...and I think we're friends now."

"We are _definitely_ friends now", Jasper said, walking up behind Bella's chair, and tapping her lightly on top of the head with his index finder. She turned, smiling when he winked, taking the seat next to her. Esme smiled up at Carlisle who had moved to stand behind her, then looked back to Jasper and Bella, "So, what brings you here today?" Bella glanced over at Jasper, and he cleared his throat, suddenly turning serious, "Actually, we were wondering if could tell us where Bella's...where Bella's daughter was taken." Carlisle looked surprised, while Esme nodded slightly, "I'm not certain where Grace was taken to live, but I can give you some information on the woman who removed her from the clinic."

* * *

"Thanks again", Jasper smiled, shaking Esme's hand. Bella smiled as well, and both doctor's smiled back. "I wish you both the best", Esme said, hugging Bella, "Carlisle and I will both be praying for you, and for Grace." Carlisle nodded, "Let us know how it goes; that little girl needs to be with her own family." Bella nodded as she turned to follow Jasper from the building, "We will; thank you..."


	22. Chapter 22

"What if we _never_ find her?", Bella groaned, thumping her hand down, against the table. Jasper, sitting across from her, shook his head, "I never knew one woman could be so hard to find. 'Specially one with a name like that." It had been a month since they had gotten their information from the Cullens, and they had spent nearly every day since, looking for a 'Ms. Lorraine O'Flannery', in their area. They had finally found someone who knew where she lived, but were then informed that she was out of town, and there was no expected date for her return.

Jasper stood up, and walked around behind Bella, lightly squeezing her tense shoulders, "We'll find her, Bella. As soon as she gets back into town, we'll both ride out to talk to her, and we'll find out where Grace is." Bella sighed, "I don't even know if I'll be a suitable mother...It may be best to just leave things like they are." "Hey," Jasper moved around in front of her, and took her hands in his, "Don't you start doubting; you'll be an amazing mother." She shook her head, "How do you know?" He paused, "I just know. The way you take care of things around the cabin; I never could've done it so well. Bella, you're smart, and determined...and...amazing." Bella looked up at him in surprise, "Really?" Jasper nodded, "The way you're so strong...I know I judged you too soon...you're just..." he trailed off, studying her face in silence. Bella stared at him for a moment, then nearly whispered, "I'm what?" He shook his head, "Beautiful..."

* * *

Jasper sat in the hayloft, looking out the window, down to the cabin. He saw Bella walk past the door, and sighed. She had him all mixed up, and she had no idea. He had no idea. At first, when they had been forced to marry, they had hardly been on speaking terms. Then, when they had decided to be friends, it had been nice...But now he was starting to feel something different, and it was something that he couldn't really explain. It was something that he couldn't put a name to...Jasper shook his head, running his fingers through his already messy hair, then whispered, "Ok, Lord, here it goes. You put me here with this girl, and..."

* * *

Bella stood at the bedroom window, thinking. Jasper had said that she was beautiful, but then he had practically run from the cabin, shouting something over his shoulder about chores out in the barn. "Maybe..." she whispered, "Just maybe..." But then she stopped, scolding herself, "Foolish girl; the man's just being nice..."


	23. Chapter 23

"Bella! _Bella, she's back!" _Bella hurried out of the cabin and into the yard, where Jasper had just reigned in his horse, "Jasper, what?" He held out his hand to her, "Come on, she's back; Lorraine O'Flannery, she's back!" Bella took his hand, he pulled her up behind him, and she hardly had time to wrap her arms around his waist before he sped off.

* * *

"Are you alright?" Jasper asked softly, placing his hand on the small of Bella's back as she faced the front door of Lorraine O'Flannery's cabin. Bella nodded slightly, "Yes..." Jasper knocked on the door, and they both stepped back when footsteps echoed on the floor inside. The door swung open quickly, and a short woman glared up at them, "What do ya want?" Bella recognized her immediately, and was suddenly frightened.

_"Well?"_ demanded the woman impatiently, "I ain't got all day. If you want somethin', you better spit it out!" Jasper stepped forward, "Ah, yes ma'am. We were just hoping you could tell us where you placed a certain baby..." "Hmmph," she placed her hands on her hips, "So, you another of them father's with a change of heart?" "Excuse me?" "Yah, I get a lot of the pa's to them girl's babies comin' 'round here, askin' for their kid back. I'll tell you like I told them; the ma give up the baby, you take it up with her." "Uh, ma'am," Jasper cleared his throat, "I'm not a father. This is a different kind of case." "Such as?" "The baby was taken from her mother, against her wishes, and she wants her child back." Ms. O'Flannery scrutinized his face, then turned to Bella, "You the ma?" Bella licked her lips, then nodded. "So, what's your story, then?"

"I...I wanted to keep my daughter, but my mother had her taken away from me." "Wait," Ms. O'Flannery snapped her fingers, "I remember you; you set up quite a ruckus. Most of the girls just hand 'em on over." Jasper stepped forward, "Ma'am, can you please tell us where you took the baby?" He sensed that Sophia was getting upset, and wanted to save her from more ridicule. The older woman squinted up at him for a long moment, then sighed, "Yah, I took that one on up into Conroy." "Thank you, very much!"

* * *

"Are you sure that you want to do this?" asked Bella, looking up from folding one of her dresses into a suitcase. Jasper looked at her, then shook his head, laughing, "Yes, Bella, I'm sure. What is this, the 50th time you've asked?" She smiled, "Probably so...I'm just so nervous...I don't want you to feel pressured into doing this." Jasper walked over to his chair, and sat on the floor in front of it, "Come over here for minute." She looked at him curiously, but sat in the chair, as he'd asked, "What is it?"

"Alright," he took her hands in his, "I need you to understand that I _want_ to do this. Nobody's pressuring anybody into anything." "But...she isn't your daughter. You don't have any responsibility in this, and you're about to take on a lot that you don't have to." "I know I don't have to, but I want to. And I want you to want me to." Bella hesitated, "...I just wish she could really have a father." "I'll be her father." She quickly looked at him, "I didn't mean for you-" "I know that you didn't mean for me to take on your daughter, but I'm willing, and if you'll let me...I'd be honored to claim her as my own." Bella felt tears filling her eyes, "I-I don't know what to say..." Jasper leaned up on his knees and gently wiped her tears away with his thumbs, 'Just accept." Bella nodded, then spoke with a shaky voice, "I accept."


	24. Chapter 24

"I've never been on a train before," said Jasper, looking around from where they were seated, "Have you?" Bella nodded, "Twice. Once when I went to visit my Aunt in New York City, and then once when I moved here." Jasper mumbled something under his breath that she could have sworn sounded like, 'Bless that train,' but she couldn't be sure, and he was now looking towards the window, so she couldn't see his expression.

Bella slightly shook her head, a little confused by his behavior. He had been acting differently a lot lately. He was treating her the same, but there was something...different...and she couldn't quite put her finger on what it was. She felt different, too...closer to him, somehow. And another thing that she couldn't explain was that lately, whenever he spoke her name, or smiled, or if she even saw him outside working, her stomach would flip a little, and her legs would suddenly feel weak...

A tap on the shoulder broke into Bella's reverie. "I'm sorry," she said to the impatient looking conductor, handing him her ticket. The man just grunted, punching the paper, and quickly handing it back. When he had walked away, Bella turned to see Jasper laughing. "What's so funny?" she demanded. He grinned, "I don't know what you were thinking about, but that poor man couldn't get your attention. He said, 'Excuse me', three times, and stomped his foot, _and_ waved his hand in front of your face!" "Oh...I didn't even notice." Jasper snorted in amusement, "Apparently; so, what _were_ you thinking about so hard?" Bella blushed, shaking her head, "Um...nothing much, really." Jasper made a face, "I'm sure."

* * *

"Careful," Jasper said, gripping Bella's elbow as she stepped off of the train, and onto the slippery platform. "It's cold," she said, shivering as the wind whipped around them. Jasper nodded, "Yeah, but I love this time of year." "November?" He nodded, "Mm-hm, just Fall and Winter, really." "Me too...I always have; even in the city, some of the leaves would start changing colors, and the shops would start putting up decorations, and the street vendors would sell hot cocoa...I used to start going ice-skating around this time of year, and it was one of the only seasons that mother would let me help our cook in the kitchen. We would start making gingerbread houses, and breads, and all kinds of things, and the house would smell wonderful!"

Her face was slightly flushed with excitement and she laughed as Jasper's eyes widened, "What?" He shook his head, "I don't think I've ever heard you say that much at one time." Bella shrugged, "Sometimes I talk a lot." "I guess I haven't seen that side of you." Bella looked up at him and saw a flicker of sadness in his eyes. On impulse she took his hand and stepped in front of him, "Maybe someday you'll see it more often." Jasper smiled then, and spoke softly, "Maybe so...now come on; we need to go check in at the hotel, and then tomorrow we can start asking around about Grace." Bella nodded, and it wasn't until they had stepped off of the platform and were walking down the street, that she noticed Jasper hadn't let go of her hand.


	25. Chapter 25

"Bella, are you ready?" Jasper called from the door of their hotel room. "I'm just putting my coat on," came Bella's reply, as she joined him in the hallway. "How'd you sleep?" he asked, noticing the tired expression on her face. She shook her head, "Not very well...I just couldn't fall asleep, worrying about Grace, and then when I finally did, I woke up from..." she trailed off, shaking her head. "Bad dreams." Jasper finished for her, and she looked away from him, nodding slightly. "How often do you have those dreams?" "Um...Just...I don't know. Sometimes." "Every night?" Bella shrugged, not sure how to reply, "Jasper, I don't really want to get into this right now." "We need to talk about it; maybe we can figure out a way to help you sleep better." "I sleep just fine." "Yeah, when you aren't waking up, crying all night." "It doesn't matter; I'm fine." "It _does_ matter, and you're _not_ fine!" "_Can we just leave_?!" He hesitated, studying her face. He could tell that she was really upset, and decided to let the subject drop, for now...he sighed, running his fingers through his hair, "Sure, let's go."

* * *

"So, where should we look first?" Jasper asked, as they stood on the sidewalk, outside of the hotel. Bella shook her head, her arms folded tightly against her chest, "I'm not sure. This isn't a big city, like I'm used to, but it still isn't small." Jasper nodded, "The man I talked to at the front desk said that he only knows of three-orphanages in town." "Alright, did he give you the addresses?" Jasper held up a piece of paper, "Yeah, he found them for me last night." "Let's just start with the closest one, then." Bella began walking quickly down the sidewalk, and Jasper had to hurry to keep up.

* * *

"Well, it's not that one," Jasper said as he closed the heavy wooden door of the gloomy stone building that they had just exited, "And I can't say I'm upset." Bella shook her head, "How can anybody treat children that way?" She thought of the sad faces, and dirty, poorly-fitting clothes of the children that they had just seen, and tears filled her eyes, "I wish that I could do something to help them." Jasper nodded, "I know how you feel...I'm just glad they don't take in babies." Bella sighed, "Where are we going next?" He looked down at the scrap of paper in his hand, "Heathrow Home." "I hope that one's better."

* * *

"This is nice," Bella whispered, as she and Jasper stood in the parlor of Heathrow Home. Jasper nodded, looking around. The afternoon sun was filtering through the lace curtains, and the smell of cinnamon lingered in the air. He heard a child's laughter from somewhere in the building, and then the bark of a dog, followed by more laughter. "Follow me, please," said the white-haired woman who had answered the front door, as she returned to the room. They walked behind her down a short hallway, and then up a long flight of stairs, stopping in front of a door marked, 'Office'. "You may go in." Jasper and Bella went inside and stood in the center of the richly furnished room. Soon a tall, dark-haired woman walked in, "Hello," she extended her hand, "I'm Lydia Gold, how may I be of service?" Jasper stepped forward, "We just wanted to ask if a certain baby had been placed here." "Do you know when that would have been?" He looked at Bella, "July?" She nodded, "Yes, July." Ms. Gold flipped through some papers on her desk, "We had five children brought here in July; two girls, and three boys." Bella glanced at Jasper, "It could be one of the girls. What ages were they?" "There was a seven-year old, and an infant." "May we see the infant?" Ms. Gold paused, " We are only able to let the children be visited by family, or by couples who are seriously considering adoption." Bella looked at Jasper, and he nodded, "We are." You're family, or you're considering adoption?" "Both." Ms. Gold looked confused, and Jasper quickly explained the situation. When she understood, she nodded, "Excuse me, please; I'll be back shortly."

* * *

"Jasper," Bella whispered when Ms. Gold left the room, "What if it isn't her...what if I don't know?" He lightly put his hand on her shoulder, "If this isn't her, we'll just keep looking, and if this is her, I'm sure that you'll know." They soon heard footsteps outside the door, and Ms. Gold walked in with a baby nestled against her shoulder, and a little girl with brown braids at her side. Bella put one hand against her jumpy stomach, and with the other, touched the baby's soft cheek with trembling fingers. The blue eyes looking back at her, mirrored her own. The soft hair on her head was the same coppery, red-brown color of Edward's. This was her daughter. This was Grace. Bella spoke in a trembling voice, "May...May I hold her?" Ms. Gold relinquished the baby, and she whimpered, but as soon as Bella gently took her in her arms, she settled down. Bella felt the same wave of emotions sweep over her as it had the first time that she held Grace. Ms. Gold spoke softly, "This is obviously your daughter. She looks so much like you." Bella smiled tearfully, "Yes, this is Grace." Bella wondered at the baby's strength as she tightly gripped her finger in her tiny fist. Then she felt a small tug on her skirt. She looked down to meet the eyes of the little girl who had followed Ms. Gold into the room, "Are you taking her home?" Bella opened her mouth to speak, but before she could answer, the little girl spoke again, "Please, miss,_ please_ don't take the baby away." Ms. Gold looked down at the small girl, "Naomi, this is the baby's mother." Tears quickly filled the child's green eyes, and she stuck out her bottom lip pitifully. Jasper's heart went out to the little girl, and he knelt down in front of her, "How old are you, Naomi?" "Six, " She sniffed, frowning at Jasper, "How old are you?" "I'm twenty-three." The girl's eyes grew wide, "You're _old_!" Jasper grinned broadly, and winked at her, "I sure hope not!"

Ms. Gold smiled as she watched the interaction between Jasper and Naomi, "He seems to be very good with children." Bella nodded, rubbing Grace's back, "He does...is Naomi very attached to Grace?" Ms. Gold nodded thoughtfully, "She is...she took up with her the night Grace came in, and has hardly left her side since. She came to us two-years ago, and was always very quiet, and to herself; never let anyone too close." Bella looked at the little girl who was still talking to Jasper, "She seems sweet." "Oh, she is. She sleeps next to the baby's crib every night, 'So the baby won't be lonely', she says."

A few minutes later, Jasper joined them, and Naomi ran out the door. They looked at him questioningly, and he shrugged, "She said she had to go eat." Ms. Gold laughed, looking at the clock, "Yes, it's her dinner time." Bella smiled, and Ms. Gold cleared her throat, gesturing at Grace, "So, am I to presume that you wish to adopt this child?" "Yes," Bella and Jasper answered at the same time, and Ms. Gold smiled, "I do want you to realize that this may take some time...Probably not horrendously long, seeing as there is no one else looking into adopting her, and Bella is her biological mother." Jasper nodded, "We understand, but we really don't care how long it takes, as long as Grace can come live with us when it's over."


	26. Chapter 26

Bella sighed nervously as she pulled the pins from her hair, standing in front of the mirror. "What is it?" Jasper asked, looking up from across the hotel room, where he sat on the edge of his twin-sized bed. Bella shook her head, "I'm just starting to realize how much we have to- how much _I_ have to work on, before I can be the kind of mother that Grace deserves." "It's fine to be afraid." She shook her head, turning to face him, "I'm not really afraid...just...worried." Jasper smiled ruefully, giving her a sympathetic smile, "Sit with me?" Bella walked over to where he was, and he scooted back on the bed, leaving her a place to sit. When she took a seat, he lightly placed his hands on her shoulders, squeezing the tense muscles. Bella soon began to feel sleepy as he worked the knots from her back. "Feel better?" Jasper asked, twisting her hair, and letting it fall over her shoulder. She nodded, and he moved, angling his body to better see her face, "Alright, now tell me what's really got you worried."

Bella sighed. How was she supposed to tell him what was bothering her, when she wasn't even certain herself? "What do we need to work on?" he asked softly, letting his hands drop from her shoulders. She took a deep breath, then let it out, tracing the pattern on her sleeve. Jasper leaned forward slightly, "Bella?" "I-I, well," she hesitated, "Do you think that Grace...when she gets older...will notice that we aren't like her friend's parents?" "What do you mean?" Bella felt her face flush as she tried to find the words to say. She was pretty sure that Jasper knew what she meant, and just wanted her to talk it out. "Well...with...how we don't act like, um...we don't display the same affections as other married couples..." Jasper nodded slightly, "She'll probably notice, after a while." "I-I mean, at a certain age, children start to notice things, and, and I don't know how...I mean, I just...I don't know what I'm supposed to tell her."

Jasper ran a hand through his hair, "I think you'll just know what to say, when the time comes...and kids aren't too bad at figuring things out for themselves." "Really?" He nodded, "Well, yeah, I mean, didn't you ever notice your parent's hugging, or kissing, or..." he trailed off suddenly. This conversation was starting to take an awkward turn, and he wasn't sure that they were ready to go where it was headed. Bella shook her head, "No...not really. My parents were never big on showing affection, to each other, or to us...I think my father tried when we were younger, but mother didn't think it was good for us to be doted on."

Jasper nodded slowly, "Yeah, mine weren't good at it, either. I mean, when I was real little, I remember my mother holding me in her lap, and telling me stories, and singing, but then she left. And yeah, well, my pa...you know the kind of attention he gave me." Bella felt her stomach clench as she replayed their conversation in her head. What kind of parents would they be? Neither of them had grown up in ideal home situations. Neither of them had any idea of how to raise a child. She had been quiet for several minutes when Jasper spoke again, "I guess we don't have any idea what we're getting into." Bella nodded, speaking quietly, "I know."

Jasper frowned, feeling unsure for the first time, "I...I guess we'll be like any new parents, right? I mean, nobody really knows what they're in for when they have their first baby..." Bella also frowned a bit, "That's true." Now Jasper smiled a little, "Then we'll be alright. We all have to start somewhere." "I just wish we had more experience in theses things, growing up. It looks like neither of us had much of a chance to learn." "Can't change the past, Bella." "Right. Well, I think, from being around Alice when she was a baby, I know the mechanics of how to take care of one..." He nodded, "I guess I know about that much, too." She sighed, "I just worry about the affection part of it...what if we don't know how to show Grace we love her, properly? What if I end up just like my mother?"

"Bella, no. You are nothing like your mother." Jasper gripped her hand for a moment, "_Nothing_ like her." "I really hope not." Jasper sighed, "I worry about that, too, you know?" "Being like your mother?" "Being like my pa." "Jasper...don't compare yourself to him. He was horrible to you, the way you were treated, nobody deserves that." "But, Bella, it _scares_ me. That's the one thing that scares me more than anything else. I'm so scared that I'll end up like him. That I'll start drinking one day, and I won't be able to stop. That I'll let my anger take over, and I'll hurt the people I love. That I'll hurt you..." Suddenly he slid from the edge of the bed, and drew up his knees, resting his head against them. After a moment, Bella saw that his shoulders were shaking slightly.

Bella felt a wave of fear pass over her when she realized that Jasper was crying. She wasn't sure what to do. Jasper was always strong. Jasper always said things to reassure her. Now, they both needed reassurance, and he was on the floor, crying...Bella felt helpless as she watched him. This was her friend. Legally, her _husband._ She had to help him, somehow. She finally moved from the bed and sat down next to him, leaving a space between their bodies. Hesitantly she placed her hand on his back, and rubbed it gently, "Jasper, it's alright. You won't be like your father, I promise. We just have to figure out what to do, but I'm sure it will be alright." Now Bella felt tears of her own begin to fill her eyes. She began to cry as well, from the stress, and the fear, and simply from seeing Jasper like this.

She had always heard that men shouldn't cry. She was taught that men should be strong, and firm, and basically, emotionless. She had heard that it was unmanly for a male to even hint at crying, but one look at Jasper, like this, had erased all of that. She hurt for him, but she also felt a strange sense of relief that he felt that he was able to behave like this in front of her; that he trusted her enough to let her see him this way. She continued to rub his back until, in one swift motion, Jasper had reached out, and pulled her into his lap. She was startled at first, but then decided that this might be the comfort that they both needed right now, and curled into his chest, "It's all going to be okay", she whispered as his arms tightened around her, "It is."

When Jasper had composed himself for the most part, he looked down at Bella's face and saw the tears streaking her pale cheeks. He kept one arm around her, and with the other hand, gently wiped away her remaining tears. She looked up at him, and the expression in her dark eyes nearly broke his heart. She looked so young, and afraid, but also determined, and he knew that she was trying to be strong for him. "I'm sorry, Bella." "No," she whispered, "Please, don't be sorry." He nodded briefly, then pressed his lips against her hair, "We'll get through this together, darlin'. We'll figure this out together."


End file.
